uhmani | TDM #14

If the main hub and its features don't appeal to you, that's perfectly fine. This is the perfect time to configure your Digitized Technical Friend or your DTF status. A DTF is similar to a dæmon from His Dark Materials in that it is connected to and a reflection of a character's soul. These DTFs take shape accordingly and are projections similar to the NPCs. Think of them as your own personal Clippy except less annoying. Hopefully.

Once that's set-up, there are other locations of the main hub to investigate! You can visit the training grounds, music lounge, library, and onsen. Also, feel free to leave an offering for the deity of sleep (Hypnos) at his shrine! You can even visit The Peacekeeper themselves on the second floor. They're always happy to have visitors! They're also conveniently where you might place a complaint about that status of the main hub and its amenities. Even if you do complain, The Peacekeeper will encourage new inhabitants to set off and find their own place to live out in the simulation.

Granted, the housing market in the afterlife isn't exactly robust. It doesn't help that nearly every place you find has a leaky roof or broken window. No, unfortunately, that will need to be fixed the peaceful way. If you'd like more lighting or even cozier clothes, simulation inhabitants are reminded that 'peaceful interactions' are very important!

It might be a good idea to stick close to someone you know, for now, since even the smallest amounts of intimacy might see subtle changes occurring where they're staying. Perhaps that broken window is now fixed, the grime and dust seem a little less, or the floor doesn't creak quite as loud.

Larger changes, however, will only come after demonstrating more powerful peaceful interactions. If you want new hardwood floors or a fresh coat of paint on the walls, you're going to have to demonstrate how well you 'get along' with others against them first.

THE SEXY COMPENDIUM

Upon arrival to Amani, new inhabitants will be notified almost immediately of the sexy compendium that's uploaded to their DTF! This compendium lists all of the flora, fauna, unique geography, and miscellaneous items in Amani that might be worth looking at.

This database will update with seasonal highlights or places and items that might follow a theme! For example, the current theme is love for Valentine's Day and dragons for The Year of The Dragon!

While established inhabitants already know about all these things, it can't hurt to be reminded of what this simulated afterlife has to offer!

The Dragon Onsen

outdoor pool

dragon statue

blue tint

They suddenly look a lot more draconic than they did before.

Heart Jellies

jellyfish shaped like hearts

Wyverns

Taasunni Beach, and can range far into the Aditus Grasslands

Love Blossoms

gorgeous, pink flowers

pheromones

SEXY STAMP CARD

If you're wondering about these 'peaceful interactions' that keep being mentioned or what the kinks of the month are for... Here's your answer! Upon arrival, all characters will receive a digital copy of their very own sexy stamp card.

Sexy Stamp Card

Issued by: The Peacekeeper

1 2 3 4 ♡

6 7 8 9 ♡

❤

<div style="width:100%;padding:10px 10px 0;font-family:garamond, georgia, serif;font-size:20px;font-style:italic;letter-spacing:2px;text-align:left;">Sexy Stamp Card</div>
<div style="width:100%;padding:0 10px 10px;">Issued by: The Peacekeeper</div>

<div style="width:100%;display:flex;flex-wrap:wrap;justify-content:center;align-items:center;gap:10px;font-size:16px;font-weight:bold;color:#13336b">

</div>

</div>

</div></div>

<div style="max-width:300px;width:100%;margin:-10px auto 0;text-align:right;font-size:10px;"><a title="code credit!" href="http://10billionghosts.dreamwidth.org" style="text-decoration:none;color:#eee;">❤</a></div>

</div>
</lj-raw>

Completing peaceful interactions (i.e. kinks) will reward characters with stamps that they can turn in for re-gains and many other things! While the example one here is the standard issued card by The Peacekeeper, players are more than welcome to customize it how they see fit. Have fun with it! NOTES

★ Feel free to check out the sexy compendium and also use whatever is listed there as you like! What's mentioned on the TDM are just suggestions and not only what's available! We want interested players to be able to make their own fun with what Amani has to offer and not feel limited to just the prompts provided here.

★ We are currently at 24/40 slots taken! Anyone wishing to claim a character must have an invite from someone currently in the game and follow the proper rules in place to be accepted into the community!

NAVIGATION

F.A.Q. ★ RULES ★ CHARACTER CLAIM ★ LOCATIONS ★ MAIN NAVIGATION

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"When your - what?" Gladio blinks bemusedly as he glances over at him. "What are you talking about? Anyway, how is it taking advantage of me to get help from your boyfriend carrying some groceries?"

Of course he's the only one thinking about things like this. "And I was your boyfriend insinuating negative things about you," he reminds him. "You've never given me any reason to doubt you, after all, not when it comes to our relationship."

Gladio shrugs. "You know what I was like before I was with you, and I wasn't exactly model boyfriend material then," he replies, shifting his hold on the packages slightly to get a better grip. "And at this stage in your life, you haven't been with me that long to know how solid our relationship is. Besides, we were half-joking at the time. I didn't take it as a fully serious accusation because it wasn't one, was it?"

He hesitates, glancing sidelong at Ignis. He doesn't want to damage Iggy's trust right after the man literally just praised Gladio for giving him no reason to doubt, but...at the same time, pretending there's been nothing going on while they're talking like this would feel a lot more like actively lying to Iggy than not clarifying what he'd said earlier that had...apparently managed to fly even under Ignis' hyper-sensitive radar. "I did say," he says, slowly, noting that Iggy's hands are currently full of groceries and deciding that may grant him some measure of safety, "that I've been sleeping alone pretty much the whole time. There's been one exception. But...I'd have never made any exceptions if you and I hadn't discussed it. Later on in our relationship than you are, though, I think, so...you might have to take my word for that one."

He takes a deep breath. "You mean everything to me, Iggy. I wouldn't risk messing up our relationship - or even want anything outside our relationship - for just anyone. But there's a couple people who mean a lot to both of us, people we've talked about our feelings for together, where...we kind of indicated to each other that if the circumstances were ever right, we'd go for it, and we'd be okay with that." Now comes the real hurdle, and no Amicitia has ever stared death in the eyes more directly. Not even his father, literally dying defending his own king. "Noct's one of them. And...the circumstances ended up right. He came to me, and that's the only way I think either of us would ever have considered it at all. You know I put my duty first as much as you do. But when it's something Noct wants...maybe some things are more important than our duty.

"I don't know if this is something that you're - at a point in your life where you can accept, when we never had the conversations I've had with older you, but that's where my head was at. For the record." And then Gladio lapses into an uneasy silence, waiting for whatever fallout might come.

Iggy probably won't just drop the bags to lunge at him. He'll bruise the fruit.

Frankly, back then, considering his remorse at how he got a little snappish at Gladio, Ignis had wondered if he were being too... much, in pondering about that kind of wording. He'd told himself that he would let himself rest, focus more on the present...

...And be sure to look into things in detail later on. He already planned to do so anyway; this wouldn't be much of an addition to the list.

Yet he has to reconsider that when he catches Gladio looking at him in such a way from the corner of his eye, and Ignis's own gaze narrows slowly. It's not a surprise that Gladio starts talking after, or that the subject matter is deserving of some caution. "Is that so," he says quietly when Gladio admits to discussing things already with the future version of himself that matches hiss own timeline.

His words are, notably, not a question, despite sounding as though they should be one.

Still. He does have to admit that all he can do is take Gladio's word on this. What does he know of his own future, of what an older version of himself would do? That kind of Ignis Scientia would have had so many more years to be alongside Gladio, to learn him inside and out, and be learned about in turn. Why wouldn't they speak more openly about such things, or find themselves stumbling into a love and affection for the same people? If it seems hard to imagine, well... It'd been hard for him to imagine having a relationship like this with Gladio at all, before it actually happened.

He'd told himself off for getting too aggravated too quickly when Gladio hadn't given him any reason to lose trust in him, no matter how quiet and subconscious it ended up being. He should maintain that lesson learned here, and -

"Noctis?"

The bag in his grip audibly makes a noise from the way his fingers curl into it. But Gladio has made the right gamble. Ignis doesn't drop his groceries, at least not yet. He also doesn't stop walking, if only because the whole of this conversation doesn't deserve to be had in such a public place.

This does mean Gladio getting to feel Ignis coming a good deal closer, their arms pressing against one another as his voice drops low and quiet in a way that simultaneously screams warning bells. "Just what circumstances would have Noctis come to you for a romance?"

That isn't something that just happens for no reason. Ignis has to admit his lack of experience in romance, unlike a certain other someone present, but he knows that much. Love at first sight is a fairy tale cliche, a trope they put in movies to get to the meat of the action. In real life, there is set up. There are signs something is clicking into place and fast approaching.

Or at least signs that someone is flirting.

Gladio Amicitia better give him a satisfying answer to this or else he'll make sure he's the last of his bloodline that has nothing to do with homosexuality-

That one actually stings, and Gladio winces, although not really from the venom in Ignis' voice. He expected to get in trouble for this, at least with an Ignis that comes from before they ever really dissected their mutual feelings for Noctis together. Before they had long talks about their feelings versus their duties, and how neither would ever consider flaunting those duties - or risking Noctis - simply for the sake of their own personal desires. The not-quite-spoken understanding in the way they'd talked about it that if it was a question of what Noct desired, as opposed to them, then their answers might be different. The spoken and implicit understanding that to both of them, what makes Noct happy is a hell of a lot more important than what makes them happy.

An older Ignis, who'd had these conversations with Gladio...he'd trust Gladio more here, certainly. Though even then, Gladio knows he'd have to...reassure him, at the very least, that it had been exactly the sort of scenario they'd both quietly fantasized about but never fully articulated, where it was something Noct wanted and therefore something the two of them could dare to allow themselves. That it hadn't just been his resolve and his steadfastness in his duty suddenly weakening. After all, Iggy when he's older is no less protective of Noct than he is at this younger age - no matter how much he might love and trust Gladio, he'd want to...make sure.

But this is...somehow worse than Ignis' anger, or the very real threat that he's about to get castrated by his own boyfriend. There's a level of...disgust, there. Disbelief, that Noct would ever look at him like that of his own accord.

If Gladio ever needed his confidence cut down to size, being asked in tones of pure ice by his own boyfriend why someone would ever look to him for romance does it in one stroke. Not the least of which is because, Gladio knows, Iggy is probably questioning right now why he ever did, either, with his opinion of Gladio clearly having bottomed out in a heartbeat.

Well...he can lick his wounds later, and he'll be damned lucky if he can limit them to just his feelings. For now, he has to deal with the job in front of him, no matter how messy or unpleasant it is. The only way out is through. So he sets his gaze straight ahead, keeps walking, and tries to focus only on finding the words he needs.

"What makes you think I know? I still don't get it myself. The guy who's always busting his ass, making him do things he hates, never cutting him slack even when he deserves it because the world can't afford it. And there's plenty of other ways I haven't been the best to him, either - fights we've gotten into you haven't even had the chance to see yet. He should resent me a lot more than he does. But...he's not the Noct you knew at your age, Iggy. He's grown a lot. He values both of us and the things we've tried to teach him a lot more than he used to - think he sees why we were doing those things more clearly now. That's part of it, I guess. But also, hell, maybe it's as simple as he doesn't have a whole lot of people he's ever been able to get close to in his life, and we're some of the most important relationships that he's got."

He turns his head to look down at Ignis. "But I didn't have the luxury to just stand around questioning why he feels the way he does. He told me how he felt, and I had to respond. Decide if I wanted to deny him yet another thing in his life - something that was in my power to give him, something I wanted to give him if it'd make him happy - or if I could actually, for once, let him have something he wants. I made my choice, and if you hate me for it I'll have to live with that. We might not agree on what was the best choice I could have made. But I won't let anyone say I made it because I wasn't putting Noct first, Iggy. Not even you. So if you're pissed at me because you think I'm trying to get away with something, or I'm not thinking about what's best for Noct, you'd better back up and give it another think. You can question my judgment all you want, but you've got even less place to question my devotion to Noct than my devotion to you."

In some ways, at least a decent portion of what Gladio is saying should be satisfactory. Ignis knows this. He'd undertaken strict training to think on things in a clear manner like this, regardless of his own emotions, because his own emotions could potentially put Noct in danger. He doesn't think he's perfect, yet, but he'd thought he could do enough that he could stay calm and let the truth of a matter settle him or, if not that, then at least be calm long enough to recuse himself from any other eye until there was enough of him to shove his thoughts out of the way.

He has the truth of the matter, what he must at least assume is the truth of the matter, right here.

Gladio said that Noctis approached him. That's good. Gladio made his choice based on what Noctis wanted, what would be one of the few things to make him happy. That's good. Apparently this is all something some version of him long ago spoke with Gladio about, so it's not as though Gladio was doing anything without considering him, just not him, which he can't blame him for ass this is nothing anyone could expect. That's good.

Noctis has changed so much. Even in the small amount of time he's spent with him here in this place, Ignis can tell. It's incredible. It was literally only the other week where they were struggling against one another, neither knowing how to make the other understand, with Noct only having just made even an attempt at cooking. Ignis showed him the other day how to clean a pan instead of just tossing it in the trash from a cooking mistake. This Noct is willing to look him in the eye, and thank him, and hug him for the first time in what's been literal years instead of both of them walking on eggshells constantly, tension itching underneath his skin with no clear solution in sight. Ignis doesn't doubt that he's approached the idea of this relationship with care, and thought.

That's good.

So why doesn't he feel satisfied?

Why does this somehow feel worse than when he'd woken up, and felt sure that an enemy of the state had kidnapped him to ruin things for Noct?

Ignis looks away - smooth, average speed, not jerked away at all. "I never questioned your devotion," he says, voice still quiet. "Clearly you've done your due diligence, so there's nothing for me to question at all."

...But he won't say a word more until they've reached Noctis's loft.

"I didn't know what you were questioning," Gladio murmurs in reply. Aside from what possible reason Noct could have to love me. That part he buries. Even if Ignis has a reason for asking that, Gladio really doesn't want to hear it, so there's no point in bringing it up. "I just knew you were pissed. It's not my place to tell you not to be, but I wanted to make sure you were at least getting pissed for reasons that made sense."

Gladio himself falls silent after that, not trying to pursue further conversation. Ignis doesn't feel pissed now, but whatever this is, Gladio isn't sure it's not worse. Less threat of immediate death, but he'd rather deal with short-term danger than long-term fallout. And this feels like it's gearing up towards the latter.

One thing's perfectly clear, though - a joyous reunion meal with the four of them isn't going to happen tonight. The tension's not going to go away - not until Iggy works through whatever reaction he's having, and Gladio has a pretty decent guess what that reaction might be - and the return of Iggy's cooking can't be accompanied by a curdled mood like this.

He knows none of them - probably not even Ignis, no matter what mood he's in right now - will be exactly happy, having a meal for three when they all feel it should be four. But Gladio's wise enough to recognize that a meal for four isn't going to feel any better, not with this kind of tension hanging over it. And better that three of them sort of enjoy themselves than none of them enjoying themselves at all.

He sets his packages down on the counter once they're inside, a touch warily; fortunately, they persist, so apparently groceries don't count as mess. Good thing, too; he's already lost one set of keys to the whims of Noct's cleaning 'solution'. "I've got some stuff to get in order back at my apartment," he says, leaving it deliberately vague. He could suggest he's getting ready for Iggy's moving in, but frankly he's not entirely sure that's still happening. "It'll probably take awhile. Don't hold up dinner if I run late."

He's making an excuse to bow out and has no intentions of returning tonight, and they both know it. Gladio doesn't even pretend to think Ignis won't be able to recognize this unsubtle of a ploy, at any age. But he's also fairly convinced Ignis will have no desire to stop him, so believability doesn't matter. Just a pretense for what they both know is the best call here.

Maybe that is the best course of action. Ignis has to consider that, even as he stands there at the counter, fingers half curled at the bags still and not wholly facing Gladio. He has to consider that, and then consider something else. Ironically, something Gladio has reminded him off.

And it's that he cannot let his own emotions get in the way of his duties.

Before anything else, he needs to make a decision immediately, and for Noct's happiness as well.

"Try not to be so late that the food cools completely," Ignis replies, forcing his hands into motion. It's not that hard. If anything, he can appreciate the routine which comes from pulling groceries out of their place. "I will be somewhat exhausted after making everything, and I still have plans for afterwards, so I will be leaving dinner somewhat early. I won't be here to heat anything up."

This is for the best. When did he last see everyone here? The other day. He doesn't need a reminder of their presence. If he's in the kitchen long enough, that should hopefully soothe Noctis and Prompto, and then, if he just steps out for a short while, what he's made will help remind them of his presence here while he deals with many other matters he's sure he can find for himself. That leaves Gladio free to slip into place instead, and with that... With two people that he loves and desires besides him, Noct should be fine. Ignis will be sure to see him in the morning as well, when he makes him breakfast.

With that time... He should be able to handle things again, shouldn't he?

"Are you kidding?" Gladio says, not without disbelief. "You think the kids are gonna let you bow out? Pretty sure this dinner's to celebrate you being back, Iggy. The guest of honor can't just retire early." Even if he wants to, unfortunately. "You're the one they haven't seen in months. Just - spend the evening with them. Talk about things with Noct, if it helps any. Or put it out of your head for awhile. But you know this dinner with you is something Noct wants."

Which is really the siege engine against Ignis' defenses. Even if it's hard, Gladio knows Iggy will suck up just about anything he's feeling in order to do what's right by Noct - even more so than himself, and Gladio's no slouch in that department either. If anything, that's why Gladio's shocked Ignis would even suggest leaving early - because that's so clearly not what Noct would want that he'd never thought Iggy would even consider it.

Damn, just how messed up has his news left Ignis, anyway? He wants to feel guilty about that, but at the same time...what was the alternative? Lying to him? If he doesn't regret any of the decisions he's made that have led here, he can't force guilt now. But that doesn't mean how badly Ignis is taking it doesn't bother him - just that he realizes that whatever happens from here was an outcome he couldn't really have avoided.

"Anyway, maybe - just maybe - you can sell them on the idea of me needing to rearrange my apartment now that you're here. But what, the two of us rotating out so we're not in Noct's place at the same time? You think they won't pick up that something's wrong? If you want to play this off and make sure they can enjoy themselves, and I know you do, my plan's better." Which isn't something Gladio often gets to say, but Iggy's suggestions right now are almost uncharacteristically outlandish. Which is pretty damn worrying.

Edited 2024-02-23 07:44 (UTC)

"You, needing to rearrange your apartment so badly that you miss dinner?" Ignis counters, still refusing to turn around. "Dinner with Noct as well, when he loves you and you love him in turn?" Calm. He's calm. He is going to calmly handle these fruits and not bruise them, or worse.

This isn't his best idea. It's not even a particularly good one. He knows that. But what else is he supposed to do? He needs to do something.

"If you are really so concerned about my own actions, then you needn't worry. I'm fine."

This is not true, but he'll make it true if he's just given a minute.

"Bullshit," Gladio says flatly. "But listen, Iggy." He reaches out and grips his shoulder. "I know it's big news, all right? And I know you're probably feeling all kinds of ways about it. Ways you haven't even figured out yet." Gladio could probably name a few, if he felt like being kneecapped for being presumptuous and condescending. Ignis needs to work this shit out himself, not be told by someone else how he's feeling. "And you want time to process it, right? Well, you've got time before the kids show up, prepping dinner. I'll be gone. And you tend to think better when you're doing something with your hands anyway, not just sitting somewhere staring at a wall. It's not perfect, maybe - yeah, it'd be great if you could just go to a quiet room for a few hours - but I think you can pull yourself together enough for Noct tonight. And whatever you don't have figured out by dinner...well, it's not like it's going anywhere. I just don't think you need to run away to deal with this. And maybe being around Noct and Prom will help you...I don't know. See that not that much has changed. That might help all by itself."

He lets his hand fall. "The reason I'm leaving is because you're not going to be able to put this shit aside or work through it while I'm here, and we both know it. Maybe dinner won't be perfect, but you and the kids deserve to have it at least be nice. So I'm gonna do what it takes to give that the best odds of happening. I need you to do the same. And I think you can settle yourself enough to stick the night out for the kids before they get here. I've seen you pull off way crazier miracles than that. Because the alternative to that is them getting upset and worried and asking questions and trying to fix things, and I think that'd probably be way more stressful than putting off working through this for a few hours."

A beat. "Especially since I haven't really mentioned our relationship to Noct yet. With you not here, it just kind of...never came up." The truth is, missing Ignis had been so painful for all of them that they'd all just kind of...avoided the subject of him, most of the time. For Gladio, the wound simply never healed over; he assumes Noct and Prompto likely felt the same. "So there'd be sorting through that whole mess on top of everything else you're trying to deal with. I know it all feels like too much, but there's still a best of the bad options here to choose."

What Gladio's hand will find is almost less a shoulder, and more like half a dozen knots gathered into one impenetrable mass of uncomfortable muscle that may solidify into rock, if he gives it five minutes or so. Probably not all of them were a result of this conversation. Probably.

And yet... The more Gladio keeps talking, the more they - not quite dissipate or loosen, but they do seem to not be such a tight cluster.

It's a little frustrating, and maybe hurts more than anything, to find all the ways that Gladio has come to know him. He was already so good at it beforehand, knowing what was stressing him or what he needed to hear. Ignis supposes that, after so many years of being by some version of him... Gladio's only gotten better.

...He does do better when his hands are moving. A couple of hours will help him calm down, and, maybe he can figure out something more than just this. And more than anything else... They need to keep Noctis and Prompto from realizing this miserable little spat has happened at all, both because it would worry them, and also it would be a nightmare to deal with.

It's... It's good of Gladio, to remind him of this. More than he suspects he deserves with what he's said today. He...

Wait.

"You didn't tell Noct?"

Gladio exhales heavily. "No, I didn't. For one thing, I don't think I need his permission to have a boyfriend that's not him. He's got one that's not me, after all. He's obviously okay with poly relationships because he came to me and agreed to start one." He rakes a hand through his hair. "But that's really not the reason I didn't say anything - just why I didn't think I absolutely had to as some kind of...responsibility. We didn't talk about it because...none of us talked about you much while you weren't here, Iggy. Do you have any idea how bad we missed you? I think if it weren't for Prompto, Noct would've been in a full-blown depression by now. Even thinking about you hurt. So while you weren't here, and there wasn't any immediately pressing reason Noct had to know...it was easier to just not say anything."

He huffs out a breath. "Besides, if he was already upset about you not being here...I figured he wouldn't take the joke of our relationship being out there in plain sight for years and him never noticing it too well. Yeah, his obliviousness was funny then, but with him being so down about the guy who's closest to him in the world not being around - completely changes the mood." And he forces himself to admit, out loud, something that's been on his mind for a little while. "I'm kinda worried we let the joke run so long that he won't find it funny in any context, honestly. Not like we were trying to stretch it, we kept thinking he had to catch on, but it just kinda snowballed. Until it went from 'it's funny he hasn't noticed' to 'I don't know how to say it after it's been this long', and I don't know when we crossed that line exactly.

"And it'd have been me alone, having to answer for both of us. Having to maybe upset him with both of us, while you weren't even here to talk to him or make things right or apologize or defend yourself or...anything. Making that decision to tell him without you felt weird, too.

"It was never because I didn't want him to know, okay? Or that I was trying to hide it from him. It just became this weird, complex...thing, because it was something we didn't think we'd even have to say, and we ended up waiting so long for him to notice that it started to feel too awkward to bring up. That whole year we were on the road together, we weren't exactly subtle, and he never noticed a thing. And then...well, stuff happened, and we - I - lost any chance to tell him until getting to this place."

He sighs. "Look, you can blame me for this one. It was my idea that it'd be funny to see the look on his face when he picked up on it for himself, rather than make some embarrassing announcement to him. I didn't exactly push it hard, we just stopped thinking about it too much after awhile, but...you'd have told him from the start, and things would've been a lot simpler if I'd listened to you. If there's going to be any fallout from it, I'll take it. Even the Iggy who went along with my stupid idea shouldn't really be on the hook for this, but you have nothing to do with it at all. It's my problem to worry about."

"It's not about permission," Ignis stresses, fingers tightening around a large chili. "I would have thought it would be honest, to know that a relationship was already in place." At least, he thought that was how a relationship was supposed to work. It's not as though he's the expert on such matters.

It just... doesn't seem right to hold a key to Noctis's heart and not tell him something as important as that.

Because everything else Gladio says afterwards makes sense otherwise. In some cases, if he's honest, it makes more than just sense, but tugs at something far deeper. Far more sensitive and longing and wanting to do something. Where would he even direct those feelings towards? Ignis isn't wholly sure, at least not right now, as his own emotions and thoughts are tangling up together in a messy way he's not used to dealing with.

Frustration. Sympathy. Yearning. A dozen other things besides, all merging together into a confusing tangled mess.

The only way to deal with it all is to reach up, carefully slide the glasses from his face, and grind the heel of one palm right there against a socket.

He needs a moment.

"I'm not blaming you," he finally answers, voice quiet less from tension and more... simple exhaustion. The hand does not remove itself from his socket. "If I went along with it, for whatever reason, then the blame is on me as well. Even just yesterday, from my perspective, I could have mentioned this to Noct at any time, and I didn't. This isn't something for you to deal with on your own." He can't just avoid responsibility for the things he's decided to do, in one way or another. Especially... not when it's a shared responsibility like this.

His hand finally falls away. Ignis looks as exhausted as he feels, he suspects, but that can't be helped. He'd always do his best to hide this sort of appearance from Noct, but he's not here, and Gladio... Well.

He's clearly seen him at some of his worst anyway, with this how this day is going.

"...Help me with cooking, Gladio." He reaches up, resting his hand over the one there upon his shoulder. "Whatever excuse is at your apartment can wait. I think... we should speak more, rather than holding this off as well."

"I know," Gladio half-says, half-groans, smearing a hand over his face. "Like I said, the intent was never to hide it from him in the first place. Just to...let it come out naturally when he noticed. And I can justify it in retrospect, but honestly even I'm not sure how it ended up going this far."

The truth is, there were so many complex reasons behind it that Gladio can't even perceive or articulate all of them. One of those reasons might have been the fear that it would somehow change things for the worse, that Noct might react poorly, and - given Ignis' complete devotion to Noct - a very real chance that Ignis would bow out of their relationship rather than do anything that might affect Noct adversely. Another might have been some deeply buried, quiet longing for them to just...have something entirely to themselves. Something not revolving around Noct, the way the rest of their lives do. Telling Noct about it wouldn't necessarily have taken that away from them, but just being able to keep it private was a privilege that, perhaps, they both subconsciously felt it hard to voluntarily give up. Better to leave that sacrifice to passive forces.

Before today, the unease was uncomfortable enough that Gladio largely avoided thinking about this subject at all. No pressing need to, after all. But he can't keep dodging it now.

Iggy's request makes him hesitate, and then he steps closer again. He reaches out, a hand finding one of Ignis' and holding it loosely. "You sure? You're processing a lot, Iggy. I don't blame you if you need some alone time. And it's not like I won't talk this out with you later, if it has to wait."

Even around him, he knows it's a sign of extremity for Iggy to let himself look this weary to an observer.

"Also, you shouldn't have to take responsibility for decisions you've never even had the chance to make yourself."

"No," Ignis answers flatly, before letting out another quiet breath and reaching over with his free hand to get his glasses back onto his face. With them back on, he feels at least a little more put together. That's just a placebo effect of sorts, he knows, but still. He'll take whatever he can get right now. "But right now, it feels as though either option would frustrate me."

With his sight restored once again, he glances back down at their loosely held fingers. Slowly, he adjusts them, focuses on the feel of Gladio's fingers, traces the length of them. They were always rough hands even by the time they got together, because of course they would be. They couldn't be anything less, with all the hard work that Gladio did, and clearly still does. And yet, in some ways, small and perhaps almost minuscule in a few areas... They're different.

His grip tightens, a bit, just enough so that he can tug Gladio along in the direction of the sink. "...I don't know how to feel about you right now. Every time I feel as though I'm becoming settled from this sudden change of pace-" Which is a very mild description for what's actually happening here, but that's Ignis. "-you say something that frustrates or... confuses me."

And maybe it's the confusion that's making this just a bit worse.

Flicking on the water, he tugs Gladio's hand over to be beneath the pour so that he can squeeze some soap onto it. There's no explanation happening here but, well, this was the hand he was holding a chili in, so... Just in case.

Gladio just rolls with Ignis washing their joined hands together without explanation. Partly, he half thinks it's just Iggy getting started on making sure Gladio's ready to help him with the food prep, but just as much, it's a small, intimate thing that he doesn't feel he needs to demand an explanation for. If it suits Iggy to do it, and it costs Gladio nothing to allow it, he's going to allow it.

"I know. I keep hitting you with stuff that's bound to throw you off." Gladio sighs. "For what it's worth, I don't think there's any other big reveals for me to hit you with, now. So maybe this time you can settle for real, without me throwing you for any more loops." He squeezes Ignis' hand slightly. "I'm sorry. I know - you need a rock right now, when everything's different and weird and you're trying to find solid ground. And I want to be that for you. But even if this is too much to have thrown at you at once...if I hadn't told you up front, it would've been worse later, when what you thought was solid turned out to have a shaky foundation."

He shifts to bump their shoulders together. "But that doesn't mean I don't know I'm putting a lot on you. And maybe now that you're about as caught up as I can get you, and I don't have any more big news or surprises for you...I can make you feel like I'm reliable again."

Ah. There. For a split second, a breath, Ignis's fingers pause where they're lathering soap up there against Gladio's palm, inbetween all the little lines that form in his life. "Now who's taking responsibility for decisions you didn't make?" he points out, fingers dipping inbetween the gaps of Gladio's and breaking through white bubbles.

"The only thing you've made a choice on was... responding to Noct." And that still makes him feel uneasy, agitated, but not so bad as being hit with it so unexpectedly. He can swallow it down, not let his fingers slow or quicken too much as they roll over Gladio's knuckles. "Everything else was already in place before we ever had a chance to speak. I doubt any of us would have chosen such a discrepancy in how much of our lives we've lived, after all."

His hands pull back, up inbeween the same gaps they'd pressed through, until his fingers splay there slightly in Gladio's palm. "...Noct and I had only just had an argument not long ago." At least, it was tension that finally came to a head, and which both of them struggled with. Ignis hadn't even ground against it as much as he could have; just retreated. "Yet I see him again in this place, and he's grown so much that the difference may as well be night and day. And it's not that I'm unhappy about that."

...But to suddenly be looking straight into the sun when you were walking in the night would be enough to give anyone a sheering headache at the very least.

"As for us, while one never hopes that their relationship will end... It's still different to see that it's lasted well into the future." He tugs their hands, together, over to the spray of water once more, now that he's satisfied he's washed them well enough. "...I've never even had a chance, as of yet, to think that deeply on our relationship. That we'd make exceptions for anyone." Let alone Noctis, although now that he's had a chance to simmer down, he has to admit to himself that he could see the conversation happening.

It just hasn't, yet. Not for him.

"...It felt a betrayal, of some nature." That seems like the right word, he feels.

Gladio listens to Ignis quietly, letting him lather up their hands together, mostly letting Iggy have all the control because he thinks that might soothe him here. Besides, it feels nice. Not just in the basic tactile sense, but it's a quiet, intimate, domestic moment that really does feel like so many other little moments of their relationship. Some of the best ones. Gladio's never one to undersell sex, or kissing, or even shamelessly romantic gestures, but he can't help feel like moments like this somehow cut deeper. Two halves of a whole completing each other even in the smallest, most mundane matters of their lives.

"Of course you wouldn't be unhappy about Noct growing up," he murmurs, lifting his free hand to lightly rest warm fingers against the back of Iggy's neck. "But...I can't imagine it doesn't hurt, not having gotten to see the steps in between. Even if some version of you got to see it, you haven't gotten to yet, and seeing Noct come into his own would mean so much to any version of you. It's gotta be a weird feeling, being jealous of your own older self. And seeing Noct the way he is...must feel like somebody spoiled the ending of a story you loved reading."

He leans in a little closer, so he can rest the side of his head against Ignis'. "And...yeah, it would feel like a betrayal. I had that agreement with you, in the technical sense, but not with you specifically. And the things that I think made it something we consider, in your future...I don't think they're established for you yet. So of course it doesn't feel right." His hand rests more fully against the back of Iggy's neck, warm palm against skin. "Namely...the deeper we get into our relationship as we grow older, Iggy, the more we realize that we're something special to each other. In a way nobody else could touch. There's a reason I've never missed the casual relationships and hook-ups I used to have before I was with you, Iggy. You're on a whole other level from them. I don't need any of that stuff anymore, when I could have you instead. I'd have to really love someone - like I love Noct - for it to be really worth my time to even look twice, because how could I downgrade now and have it be remotely satisfying.

"But even with Noct...I love him, and my relationship with him is irreplaceable in its own ways, but you're you. And no matter where I go or what I do, or who I'm with - I'm always gonna love you, Iggy. I'm always gonna need you, and want you, and come back to you. I think the older version of you was with me long enough to know that in his bones." He slowly strokes his thumb over the nape of Iggy's neck. "And if you haven't had the chance to learn it yet...then I'll make sure to teach you. I plan on spending the rest of my life at your side. Nothing and nobody else is gonna change that, and I want to make sure you know it."

Well. Since Gladio is clearly busy holding him so closely, Ignis supposes there's no helping it. He'll clearly have to be the one to take a - of course there's no washcloth nearby. The loft looks clean enough, but Ignis really has no idea if they have some sort of arcane organizing system in place here. He'll figure it out later.

It's... funnily enough, the least important thing right now, for once.

Surrendering to the existence of wet hands, Ignis simply rests them along the edge of the sink and allows himself to ease into that warmer palm along his nape. "You never were to say things you never meant," he agrees quietly. It always seemed, at least to Ignis, why Noct could listen to him with no reservations. Gladio means what he says, whether it's harsh criticism or kinder praise, royalty or not. "Then I'll take you on your word for this as well."

Still, for all that it's good to hear that Gladio cares for him so deeply in a way he's truly going to have to learn, and that duty hasn't gotten in the way of feelings or vice versa... There's one more problem.

"I suppose if there's one more thing I will need to learn... It's how to share you with Noct." Does he sound uncertain or, daresay, even a little reluctant? Nah. It's probably because he's staring at his still wet hands. "That wasn't something they covered, for my education as Noct's retainer."

"Even if I was in the habit, I wouldn't say anything I didn't mean to you." Gladio turns his head to kiss Ignis' temple. "Especially not now. I know you need something to ground you. Someone you can rely on. That's my job."

And considering the love and devotion with which both Gladio and Ignis approach their actual jobs, referring to his role as Iggy's boyfriend as a job is anything but belittling. It's almost a term of reverence, for men like them.

He glances sidelong at Iggy at that last statement, with a faint quirk of his lips. "How to share me with Noct?" he asks. "Or how to share Noct with me?"

Personally, Gladio isn't really sure which of those things Iggy will struggle with more. But he thinks acknowledging that both are things he'll struggle with is more accurate than implying there's only the one issue. "But either way...I don't think it'll be as hard as you think. Haven't we all been kind of sharing each other for years regardless? I don't know that the nature of the sharing changing is really going to change that much about how it looks or feels, in the end. I wouldn't be surprised if in a lot of ways, it feels pretty similar to how it's always been. Not like I was planning on engaging in any sloppy PDA with one of you in front of the other or anything."

Indeed. For others, maybe that would be an insult and make them think of a relationship being compared to a chore, but... Ignis wouldn't trade his position, his closeness to Noctis, for anything else in the world. And he knows Gladio is very much similar.

Still, the ease that knowledge brings isn't quite the same as the point Gladio brings up next, and the slight twitch of his mouth is equivalent to watching a dog or cat flick their ears back. "We have been sharing him between us for a long time yet, now," he agrees, finger tapping once on the sink as emphasis. "However, I wouldn't know how to share you."

This is his first and only relationship, after all. Does this... change something? Ignis had no idea. One more new thing, another uncertainty, that he'd had to grapple with.

...Just not on his own. That's what relationships are supposed to be like, aren't they? Not something taken purely onto only a single set of shoulders. So if Gladio suggests maybe it wouldn't change too much at all in the end, for either his duty or the very slim sliver which exists as Ignis's personal life... Maybe he should believe him.

A soft rush of an exhale. "...Thank you. And - I apologize. I was rash once more." Twice in one day. He really is off his game, and he doesn't like that.

"For what it's worth, I don't really know how it's going to shake out, either." Gladio idly brushes his fingers through Ignis' hair. "I might've talked this over with an older Iggy as a possibility, but I never actually put it into practice with one. It was just a hypothetical for a situation that, honestly, I don't think either of us ever necessarily expected to happen. It's just the kind of thing you end up talking about sometimes, in bed late at night...especially when it's about someone who's so much a part of our lives, who we have so many strong feelings for. So I've never even seen how an Iggy who did accept this as a possibility in advance would react to this, or had to juggle a second relationship while being with you. This isn't just new territory for you, or something you'll have to navigate blind on your own."

He squeezes Ignis' hand again where their linked hands still rest by the sink. "But we will figure it out, okay? I promise. Both you and Noct mean too much to me that I'm gonna settle for anything less. So if I can't give either of you up, I gotta make this work."

He moves his hand from Ignis' hair to his chin, gently tilting his head more towards Gladio so their gazes can meet. "So...just keep talking to me, okay? Let me know how you feel. What you want, and what you need. What's bothering you, and how I can fix it. As long as I know what I need to make happen, I'll make it happen. All you have to do is keep me on the right track."

"We have got to make this work," Ignis reminds him. If Gladio is going to take him by the chin, then one of his own hands will return the favor, retreating from the sink so that he can reach up and back, slides his fingers into long hair. He's going to need time to get used to this sensation.

"You'll have to follow your own words of advice, you know. I have... a great deal to catch up on. So talk to me in turn as well. Please."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, we're a team." Gladio's smile is a little fond, a little teasing. "But I think the guy in more than one relationship might be expected to take on a little more of the burden of making the whole poly thing work, y'know?" He turns his head slightly to brush his lips against the inside of Ignis' wrist. "But I get the point. We'll figure this out together."

He meets Ignis' gaze again. "As for talking to you and helping you catch up, that's already what I've been trying to do. But don't worry; I'm not planning on stopping."

TDM #14

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)