I wasn't in danger; I was the favored son of a noble house. There was no reason for me to worry about my safety. I had nothing to be afraid of, but I benefited from buying into it all, so I did.
[That was all it was. That was it. He wanted to feel superior, he wanted to feel like he had an advantage, and even if he wasn't really of noble blood, he was of elven blood, and he clung to that with all the strength he had.
That wasn't a matter of safety. Even if she's partially right, even if he'd been afraid of the alternative, of the way he'd be looked at if he hadn't fit the part, of the idea of being lesser-- so what? So what if he didn't have that sense of superiority over the other races? So what if the doubt had shifted, if other elves looked at him the way they had at Obrin?
It didn't compare to Rosie's circumstances. It didn't compare to what he himself went on to fall into - and, if he had been better to begin with, maybe that never would have happened at all. If he hadn't been so hateful, so bitter and insecure, maybe he wouldn't have been such a fucking beacon for the demon to target.]
adds a cw for victim self-blaming
[That was all it was. That was it. He wanted to feel superior, he wanted to feel like he had an advantage, and even if he wasn't really of noble blood, he was of elven blood, and he clung to that with all the strength he had.
That wasn't a matter of safety. Even if she's partially right, even if he'd been afraid of the alternative, of the way he'd be looked at if he hadn't fit the part, of the idea of being lesser-- so what? So what if he didn't have that sense of superiority over the other races? So what if the doubt had shifted, if other elves looked at him the way they had at Obrin?
It didn't compare to Rosie's circumstances. It didn't compare to what he himself went on to fall into - and, if he had been better to begin with, maybe that never would have happened at all. If he hadn't been so hateful, so bitter and insecure, maybe he wouldn't have been such a fucking beacon for the demon to target.]
It's not the same. I had no excuse.