uhmani | TDM #7

If the main hub and its features don't appeal to you, that's perfectly fine. This is the perfect time to configure your Digitized Technical Friend or your DTF status. A DTF is similar to a dæmon from His Dark Materials in that it is connected to and a reflection of a character's soul. These DTFs take shape accordingly and are projections similar to the NPCs. Think of them as your own personal Clippy except less annoying. Hopefully.

Once that's set-up, there are other locations of the main hub to investigate! You can visit the training grounds, music lounge, library, and onsen. Also, feel free to leave an offering for the resident deity of sleep (Hypnos) at his shrine! You can even visit The Peacekeeper themselves on the second floor. They're always happy to have visitors! They're also conveniently where you might place a complaint about that status of the main hub and its amenities. Even if you do complain, The Peacekeeper will encourage others to set off and find their own place to live out in the simulation.

Granted, the housing market in the afterlife isn't exactly robust. It doesn't help that every place you find has a leaky roof or broken window. No, unfortunately that will need to be fixed the peaceful way. If you'd like more lighting or even cozier clothes, simulation inhabitants are reminded that 'peaceful interactions' are very important!

It might be a good idea to stick close to someone you know, for now, since even the smallest amounts of intimacy might see subtle changes occurring where they're staying. Perhaps that broken window is now fixed, the grime and dust seem a little less, or the floor doesn't creak quite as loud.

Larger changes, however, will only come after demonstrating the more powerful peaceful interactions. If you want new hardwood floors or a fresh coat of paint on the walls, you're going to have to demonstrate how well you 'get along' with others against them first.

A FOUL WIND BLOWS

For the last couple of weeks, The Peaceekeeper has been relatively quiet save for the mandatory greeting of newcomers. In fact, it doesn't even make the usual announcement that it has before to alert inhabitants of the sudden shift in weather. Blue skies and sunshine gradually begin to darken over. The wind picks up to a frightening gale that will see people likely needing to strap things down and fasten their shutters tight.

However, it's not anything physical that inhabitants will likely end up losing. The forceful rain, wind, and ensuing storm will instead strip away their inhibitions if they're unlucky enough to be caught in it.

What was holding you back, anyway? It's hard to remember or seems so suddenly trivial. It's not an issue anymore. that's for sure! Whether this is about something intimate, secrets kept, or things you know you shouldn't say for any number of reasons don't matter. Self-consciousness and doubt feel like a thing of the past and you're free to chase whatever whims you want!

Hopefully, you won't regret it when the effects wear off in a few day's time.

CLEAN-UP CREW

Although not everyone may be in the mood to buckle down and get to work after the storm blows through, the mess it leaves behind is literal as well as metaphorical. Time to get cleaning! The Peacekeeper has graciously provided a whole host of tools to assist inhabitants in clearing the debris littering the beach and floating in the ocean, including...

Inflatable Rafts

Skimmer Nets

Brushes

GET LAID

Liquid-Air Impulse Device

JUST KEEP SWIMMING

All your hard work hasn't gone unnoticed!

The mermaids that live beneath the waves of Taasunni Beach are extremely grateful that the inhabitants have taken the time and effort to clean up their home. To show their gratitude, they've decided to let everyone experience the beauty of the once-again pristine ocean for themselves!

Upon request, one of the mermaids lounging in the shallows will kiss inhabitants to fill them with magic. This gift will transform them into merfolk themselves for about 6 hours, allowing them to breathe underwater, swim swiftly, and explore or play in the depths to their hearts' content.

Those who indulge in this, especially repeatedly, may find themselves feeling unusually buoyant and free--as though a weight has lifted from their shoulders, and their troubles are simply washing away on the tide.

SEXY STAMP CARD

If you're wondering about these 'peaceful interactions' that keep being mentioned or what the kinks of the month are for... Here's your answer! Upon arrival, all characters will receive a digital copy of their very own sexy stamp card.

Sexy Stamp Card

Issued by: The Peacekeeper

1 2 3 4 ♡

6 7 8 9 ♡

❤

<div style="width:100%;padding:10px 10px 0;font-family:garamond, georgia, serif;font-size:20px;font-style:italic;letter-spacing:2px;text-align:left;">Sexy Stamp Card</div>
<div style="width:100%;padding:0 10px 10px;">Issued by: The Peacekeeper</div>

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<div style="max-width:300px;width:100%;margin:-10px auto 0;text-align:right;font-size:10px;"><a title="code credit!" href="http://10billionghosts.dreamwidth.org" style="text-decoration:none;color:#eee;">❤</a></div>

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Completing peaceful interactions (i.e. kinks) will reward characters with stamps that they can turn in for re-gains and many other things! While the example one here is the standard issued card by The Peacekeeper, players are more than welcome to customize it how they see fit. Have fun with it! NOTES

★ The effects of all the influences can, as always, be as heavy or light as you'd like! It can be chalked up to differences in resistance, non-humanity or not, etc. etc.

★ Please thank Love Bug Infy for helping out with this TDM!

★ Make sure to dunk your questions/feedback in the thread below!

★ The locations page is undergoing a revamp! While originally I wanted to have it done in time for this test drive meme, that didn't quite happen. But it is coming soon, I promise!

★ Due to moderator error meaning we are over the player limit already and repeated requests, the player cap has been increased to 50. We are currently at 47/50 slots taken! Anyone wishing to claim a character must have an invite and follow the proper rules in place to be accepted into the community.

★ Also in light of that announcement and since I totally forgot the monthly meme due to being sick... Why not check out the ATP/EMP Meme now up? See who others want to try out, enable your friends! Fun all around!

NAVIGATION

F.A.Q. ★ RULES ★ CHARACTER CLAIM ★ LOCATIONS ★ MAIN NAVIGATION

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"You practically just did." Yeah, he didn't miss that initial shock. Zidane's careful to keep his posture neutral, neither stepping away nor coming closer, neither friendly nor hostile. Just...cautious, almost as if Kuja is a spooked animal that he doesn't want to scare away with sudden movements.

"At least this world isn't making us fight each other, as far as I know." Yet. "Are you...here by yourself?" Is Kefka lurking around somewhere, too?

Kuja, likewise, is maintaining a similar attitude - neither overtly hostile, nor openly friendly. In his case, it's less about spooking Zidane and more about not wishing to commit to an attitude before he knows just what Zidane remembers. He seems to remember the battlefield of the gods, but can Kuja be sure...? Does he remember that last disastrous encounter, specifically? It would be foolish to assume one way or the other, and potentially be wrong.

"No...this world prioritizes a rather different kind of interaction." He folds his arms over his chest. "As for being here by myself...that depends on what you mean. There are no others from our own world that I know of here, certainly...and there may be a few familiar pawns from the chessboard of the gods here, but none of them have retained their memories of that time. But I suppose memories were always rather ephemeral in that place..."

Different kind of interaction - right. Zidane didn't have to be here long to figure that one out. Still, it's not like they haven't all been deceived about such things before.

You know, like by the person right in front of him. As a for instance.

"Yeah, that's what they say, anyway."

No one else from their world...so Garnet isn't here. It might have been silly to hope, considering she never showed up as a pawn of the gods, either, but...well, there's no use dwelling on it.

"Which familiar pawns are we talking about? Your allies, or mine?" A slight edge creeps into this, anger and disappointment and sadness all vying for supremacy in his tone.

And there it is. Kuja smothers his own pain and disappointment in his chest; really, he should have expected no less. If Zidane had forgotten his betrayal, perhaps never experienced it, then perhaps...something could have been salvaged. A slim chance, but perhaps the only hope Kuja could have clung to. But no - the fates have decreed the role he's meant to play, whether he wishes to play it or not, and he's already seen how attempts at deviance are punished. There's no escape for him.

And, subtly, his manner changes. His posture shifts, more self-assured and aggressive. His tone becomes haughtier, more dismissive. An actor, settling into his character.

"My allies? Do you imagine I have any need for such things? Chaos decreed certain fools would be given similar purpose to me, but to call them allies...! Don't make me laugh. Do you imagine I was ever working with them? Surely you heard their tiresome prattle. They didn't even recognize me as one of their own." Atrocious over-acting, especially on the clown's part - but when is a clown's performance not a farce? - and yet Zidane had swallowed it without a qualm. Zidane, an actor in his own right! It made one despair.

Kuja had once believed Zidane's faith in him had been a combination of true trust and, perhaps, Kuja's skill at covering his white lies, but either Zidane is laughably gullible...or he'd never truly believed in Kuja in the first place, and all he'd needed to distrust him was the flimsiest pretense.

No...he'd never really had a chance.

"But of Chaos' minions, there is another here, yes. Sephiroth. He's of quite a different aspect than he was upon the gods' battlefield, but such things hardly matter. He was perhaps even less inclined than myself to ally with anyone, even those ostensibly on his own side. Whether you find him hostile or not, you'll hardly find yourself outnumbered against us. And there is Cloud, as well...though Cloud was never interested in serving Chaos to begin with, or fighting anyone. Not to mention he doesn't remember ever having been in that miserable cycle of conflict in the first place. No, you'll have little trouble with your enemies here."

He rests a hand on his hip, looking away. "As for your own friends...Squall is here, though he's rather older than when last you saw him. And like the others, he remembers nothing of the gods' battlefield. He didn't remember me, so I expect he will find you a stranger as well. If there are others, I have yet to meet them."

Zidane never wanted Kuja to play the role he felt he was given, and never believed it was too late for him to turn it around from where he had been at his very lowest. He'd thought they'd gotten through to each other. He understood how Kuja felt and wanted him to know. He wanted them to be able to put all that behind them and start over - there was no reason for Kuja to serve Chaos! To be their enemy! And that's why...

...that's why he'd thought that just maybe, it wasn't really the betrayal it looked like. Maybe Squall was wrong. Maybe Kuja would find him again and explain himself in private, where no clowns or emperors were watching. But...he never did. Or at least, Zidane doesn't remember that happening. It's true that memories could be ephemeral there, though, so...maybe there's still some hope.

Until Kuja talks about having allies like it's a weakness, and it feels like a crushing defeat. He'd tried so hard to convince Kuja to work alongside them instead of off on his own. He'd wanted the others to see the kind of person Kuja really was, and befriend him. He'd wanted to show Kuja he wasn't alone. But here he is, still acting like he wants to be alone. Zidane doesn't buy that. Nobody wants to be alone, deep down.

"That's exactly why I don't get it! What you did. Why? You clearly had no love for Kefka or any of them, so what reason did you have to set us up like that?" There's a kind of desperation in it, and Zidane is poised as though he wants to move, to go to Kuja, but he doesn't.

Sephiroth - that can't be good. Outnumbered or not, memories or not, Zidane remembers how dangerous he was. And Cloud...well, Zidane doesn't really know him and never fought him, but if he doesn't remember that place anyway then it probably doesn't make much difference.

And Squall...Zidane had wanted so badly to believe that Squall was just being paranoid. He still wants to believe that, but the two of them are alone now, and Kuja still isn't denying any of it.

"You were my friend, too. Maybe it was all just a lie for you, but not for me."

Ironically, most of Kuja's ferocious distaste when he speaks of allies is aimed squarely at Chaos' minions - at the thought of being counted one of them, simply because a god had decided he was fit for nothing but discord. And perhaps he is. Can Kuja claim to have better judgment than a god, capable of plucking people from their own worlds at a whim? Can he protest that most of his life hasn't been intentionally sowing the very chaos he'd eventually been expected to serve?

But for Zidane...for all of them...Chaos' choice had been enough. Kuja's actions had never mattered - only the side he'd been forced to be on. Kefka truly had dealt a masterstroke; not only had he revealed to Zidane and the others that Kuja was a warrior of Chaos, but he'd demonstrated to Kuja that to be a warrior of Chaos was sufficient to condemn him. He hadn't needed to actually show any ill will at all to Zidane or the others to be branded a traitor. And if no action of his was needed to condemn him...then no action of his could possibly save him.

Kefka might be a clown, but he'd shown that the gods' stage had room for two fools.

He turns his back on Zidane; he can't bear to look at him right now, and doesn't dare let Zidane see his own face at the moment....though he makes no move to actually leave. The bitterness feels like it's choking him. For Zidane to question the logic of his own actions, but not that of the known villains whose poisoned words he'd eagerly swallowed down...what reason had their been behind their obvious pageantry? Behind their exposing a supposed ally's 'cunning deception' to his targets prematurely? To make such a show out of exposing him, rather than attacking, and then stand back and force their ally to fight alone? The holes are obvious, the narrative flimsy. Anyone with half an ounce of sense could have picked it apart, if they'd cared to use their heads. Perhaps Squall and Bartz were simply suspicious fools who had no reason to trust Kuja more than any of their known enemies, but...Zidane?

Whether or not Zidane had ever wanted to believe, he never truly had. Surely, otherwise, Kuja might have been granted even a fragment of that faith in friendship the man prizes so highly.

"Friend? Must you keep telling these jokes? Why on earth would you consider me a friend? And if that would associate me with the likes of the other company you keep, I'd hardly consider such a thing a compliment. Like your friend, Squall, so ready to cut down a potential ally simply because he'd never seen them before? Because his very enemies hinted he should? I must say, you and Cosmos have something in common - a very questionable taste in your associates."

It's mostly bitterness, but...perhaps, on some level, he wants Zidane to pick up the hint. He can't bear to explain it aloud - not directly. The humiliation of being played so thoroughly by Kefka, of being threatened into compliance by the others, would be quite enough to make him reluctant...but truly, that's not the worst of it. The worst of it...would be having to beg for Zidane's trust. For his actions and intentions to have meant so little, been so pointless, that he has to spell them out for them to be believed - to be worth anything to anyone. For Zidane, who'd changed him utterly by reaching out to him for no good reason, to need to be given a reason to trust in him.

Except ultimately, even that isn't the true worst of it. The worst would, of course, to be to bare his soul, tell Zidane everything...and for that to not be enough, either. For when has Kuja ever been enough, as he truly is?

But as far as Zidane is concerned, Kuja is wrong - it wasn't merely the fact that he was designated an agent of Chaos that felt like a betrayal, but the fact that Kuja had been deceiving them the whole time. Whether he really did intend to betray them or not, he didn't trust Zidane enough to tell him the truth, and that was what had hurt the most.

Kuja turns away from him and he does take a few steps forward now, ready to give chase, but the other stays. And foolish as it might be, Zidane takes it as a sign that maybe not all is lost. Why stay if he had no interest?

"Hey, for once, I'm not joking. Of course I considered you a friend! We understand each other in ways nobody else can. You were alone for so long...I didn't want you to be alone anymore. But you lied to me!"

The rest of what Kuja has to say, though, gives him some pause. If Squall really was right, Kuja would have no leg to stand on in getting offended by his mistrust. And Kuja's a lot of things, but delusional isn't one of them.

"'Potential ally' is a funny way of saying 'the guy who deliberately led us into a trap.'" Zidane shakes his head. "Why should he have trusted you if he was right about your intentions?" Come on, Kuja. Throw me a bone, here. Give me something, anything. Show me you give a damn.

"Did I lie to you?" Kuja asks, with a lilt in his voice. "It was you who assumed I was a warrior of Cosmos, Zidane. In fact, you interrupted me with those assumptions. All I said, as I recall, was that I had visited her...a lie, I admit, but not one which claimed to anything. I simply played along with a delusion you came to on your own, with no aid from me. One wonders why you would come to such a conclusion at all...but you deceived yourself, Zidane. I simply allowed you to believe as you wished."

After all, surely a single charitable act at the tail end of his violent, miserable, selfish life wasn't enough to redeem a person like him. So Kuja would always have assumed, and so the gods had agreed. The change Kuja had undergone had held no greater meaning to anyone but himself. Zidane thinking otherwise...it was truly far-fetched. Even if he had borne Zidane ill will, it never would have occurred to Kuja to attempt such a bluff, because it would never have occurred to him that anyone would believe it.

It's difficult to tell how Kuja's shoulders have hunched themselves beneath his jacket, body tensing under those painful words. Ironically, it's not even Zidane's accusations that hit home so hard.

We understand each other in ways nobody else can. You were alone for so long...I didn't want you to be alone anymore.

Lovely words...but at least partially untrue. Zidane doesn't really understand Kuja at all, does he?

"As to Squall, he knew nothing of my intentions before he drew his weapon," he retorts. "He'd only learned that I was a warrior of Chaos. Clearly, that was all that mattered to him, wasn't it?" He clucks his tongue. "When I think of a man like that facing off against, say, a man like Cloud, who never wished to fight for Chaos at all...or a girl like Terra, forced to fight against her will by that despicable clown...would you defend him for raising his blade so quickly to those warriors of Chaos, knowing only what side the gods dictated they take?" He waves a hand scornfully. "As for myself, of course, clearly he was justified. After all, I arranged that trap to catch you all in, with my allies who claimed to have never seen me before...surely he should have cut me down where I stood. A pity for us all he never got the chance, no?"

The urge to simply fly away is increasing exponentially. It's so obvious, and still Zidane can't see it. Still, Zidane thinks so little of him...that not even the most blatant contradictions can draw his attention away from Kuja's so-called 'betrayal'.

...huh. Kuja's right. He never actually came out and said he was chosen by Cosmos. Zidane just...figured that if they were working together, they were on the same side, right? Why would Kuja have been tossed into a category with the likes of Kefka and Ultimecia?

"...I came to that conclusion because you're not like Chaos. I know you're not. Why did you just let me keep believing it? If you'd told me the truth from the beginning, I could've helped you when the Clown Brigade showed up."

Zidane's tail flicks back and forth a little as he frowns, listening carefully. Squall did act prematurely, and Zidane tried to mediate, and he knows he could have gotten Squall to back down if Kefka hadn't shown up and ruined everything. He makes a frustrated noise. "I defended you, Kuja! I didn't want to fight you, and I would never have let Squall kill you before we had a chance to talk."

He takes another few steps forward, closing the distance between them a little more. "...but I think I get it now. No matter what your intentions were, you had to fight us, didn't you? If you hadn't, the others would have, and...by that point, Squall wasn't going to change his mind. You were stuck. I just wish you'd told me...we could've worked together to salvage that mess." Another step. "We didn't get that chance to talk then, but we have one now, if you're willing to take it. Please?"

Kuja laughs, an incongruously light sound. "You'd contradict the judgment of the gods themselves, would you? Do you truly know what I'm like, Zidane?"

It's a pertinent question, and not simply because Zidane hadn't understood what was happening and had come to the conclusion Kuja had indeed betrayed them. But...when has Zidane gotten the chance to get to know Kuja, really? How much time have they actually spent together? Where does this baffling confidence of his come from? And how is it so strong yet so fragile at the same time? It seems, paradoxically, strongest when there's no evidence whatsoever to support it, yet weakest against the slightest breath of doubt.

As Zidane comes closer, and finally does seem to begin to understand...Kuja's tall, imperious posture slumps. Broken or exhausted, it's hard to tell - especially from behind. His voice certainly sounds weary when he speaks, though. "And what more is there to say, Zidane?"

Kuja's laughter may not actually be particularly mirthful, but at least it's not the kind of bitter, broken thing Zidane's heard from him in the past, so that seems like a step up. It's enough to bring a bit of Zidane's usual playfulness back. "Hey, you said it yourself - Chaos made some bad calls and Cosmos - what was it you said? Oh, yeah, she has very questionable taste in associates."

He sobers again, though, at the question. No, Zidane hasn't had much of a chance to get to know Kuja, but he wants to change that. "What I know is that you helped us when you didn't have anything to gain from it. You could've let us die, but you saved us instead. That's enough for me. Besides...I might not know you as well as I could, but I know myself. And I think, if our positions were reversed, I could easily have made all the same decisions you did. I didn't agree with them, but I understood them."

Kuja slumps, and Zidane finds himself relaxing, too. It's as if a sigh of relief passes across the beach on the ocean breeze. And with that, he decides it's high time he went back to doing what he does best: lifting spirits.

"Hmm...well, for starters, you could promise me that next time you try to go off on your own when the stakes are high, you won't hold it against me when I drag you back kicking and screaming." He ticks it off with a finger, and then another one. "You could tell me more about this place and what you've been up to here." Another: "You could tell me how handsome and witty I am." He grins. "Any of those appeal to you?"

"You didn't seem to know such things a few minutes ago," Kuja retorts. Zidane's attempts at lightheartedness seem to have been a bit premature. "A few minutes ago, what you knew was that I had betrayed you, because your own enemies and a man who had never seen me before told you what to think. Will you tell me that Chaos taking me for his own means so little, when your finding that out was all it took to erase everything you supposedly 'knew' about me?"

He closes his eyes. "None of those fools were convincing actors. Their agenda was obvious, and the plot of their little performance was laughable. If they had known me and my nefarious plans, then their show only harmed our shared cause...and, of course, if all I wished were to arrange an ambush, I hardly needed such a complicated setup to arrange one. If they didn't know me, as they so claimed, then I had nothing to do with their presence and could hardly have arranged their ambush...though, if I were truly one of them, I had no reason to have hidden myself from them to start with. And in either case, my attempting to leave before they ever arrived, or my attempt to get you to take your friends and go before they surrounded us, would fly in the face of my wanting to kill you.

"Test it where you will, every note rings hollow. And yet you danced to the jester's tune so readily, Zidane...my friend."

Now, finally, the hurt and bitterness are clear in his voice. Now, finally, Kuja is no longer acting.

"It wasn't being off on my own that put me in harm's way. I came to grief because they used my attachments against me...as I knew they would. Though even I could hardly have guessed how effectively they could do so...by turning those attachments against me. And it was so cleverly done that my only possible recourse was to become the villain they so desperately wished to force me to be...the villain you and your friends were so prepared to believe, on so little evidence, that I already was. Just so you could be spared for another day...in that pointless cycle of death. Certainly the others would have killed you and all your friends without hesitation - but to be able to force me to suffer in fighting you was enough of a victory to satiate them."

He opens his eyes, looking up at the sky. "And yet, after all that...you wish to argue the flaw in my plan was keeping my distance? Not giving you the chance to support me?"

Zidane's grin fades fast, and Kuja's retort gets him balling his hands up into fists as he listens. Of course Kuja would take the most tragic and dramatic interpretation possible of what happened back then. When Zidane finally responds, all his attempts to guide this conversation calmly in a more positive direction are done; he's just...agitated. Upset.

"Yeah, actually! Come on, Kuja, gimme a break - all of that was sprung on me out of nowhere and I was confused, you can't expect miracles out of me. And I didn't swallow it hook, line, and sinker, like you keep saying I did, but what was I supposed to do? Lie down and take it when you came at me and the others? I kept expecting you to contact me again after we ran, but you didn't. And you can't say Kefka's plan was so clever and then blame me for how it shook out!"

He rubs his face with a deflated sigh and plops down onto the ground, lying back to stare at the same sky Kuja's looking at and digging his fingers through the sand as an outlet for all the frustrated energy he's got bouncing around inside. "Look. Maybe I should've done more to stand up for you, but you played along with it all so easily that I didn't have much of a chance, and lives were on the line. Still...I'm sorry."

"Played along with it so easily?" Kuja scoffs. "You make it sound as though I had any other choice. What should I have done, Zidane? Declared my true intentions then and there, surrounded by enemies? Never mind the warriors of Chaos; as the clown so helpfully reminded us, they also had an infinite army of manikins at their beck and call. Dying together in solidarity is hardly a noble act, much less a productive one. And who's to say your friends would have accepted such a declaration from me, anyway? Perhaps you might have, but clearly your companions are not so trusting. At worst, I might simply have gained myself two sets of foes.

"And had I simply refused to take an active hand...then one of the others would have stepped in. Not only might they have hurt one or all of you, but they would hardly have allowed you the opportunity to escape that I did. No; I turned their desire to spite me to your advantage, knowing that they would consider my punishment more enticing than your immediate deaths. A small victory in the face of everything else, but the best that could be managed under the circumstances."

Finally, he turns back to face Zidane. "All that there was possible for me to hope for was that, as a performer, you would know something of acting...and improvisation. I didn't expect you not to fight; I thought you would realize it was an act, and play along. It was little enough to cling to. But it was hope only. Whether you understood or not, my hand would be forced."

He sighs and looks away, arms folded, hands cupping his elbows. "I wanted to believe, even if to you alone...perhaps my actions meant more than what fate had decided for me. That what I did held more weight than what others declared me. But my actions meant nothing. My every effort was laid to waste in mere moments. And everything I had done, or tried and failed to do...in the end, that wasn't what I was judged on. Even when I try to break free...it would seem that all I am, all that truly matters, is the role I am written into."

He closes his eyes. "I'm not blaming you for Kefka's plan succeeding. How can I, when I was as easily played as any of you? But I at least ask that you stop pretending to such things as having any deep faith in or understanding of me. The wind that shook that deep faith of yours was hardly a strong one. Such words leave a sour note in the ears. I'm well aware I've done nothing to deserve faith from you, but..." His shoulders slump a bit more. "You have believed better of me anyway. More than once, with even less reason. And so I attempted to live up to it. And failed so utterly, so emptily, that you found it easier to believe your enemies than me...because for all my pains, I had given you nothing. But - I had given you nothing before, and still you'd had faith in me. Of course believing in me under those circumstances is an unreasonable expectation, but that seems to be how you work. And I don't understand why, when I'd finally been acting to earn that faith...that was when it became too much to ask."

He opens his eyes again, still not looking at Zidane. "As for contacting you after that incident...I cannot speak to that. That is the last clear moment I remember before arriving in this world. I don't believe as much as an hour had passed."

Which explains a lot of Kuja's behavior - clearly, this pain is still incredibly fresh for him. Or, at least, has been made fresh all over again with Zidane's arrival.

"Kuja..." Zidane sighs and sits up. Then, softer, "Man, that clown really forced us into a corner, huh? But your actions didn't mean nothing - not at the Iifa Tree, and not on the gods' battlefield. They meant a lot to me. I know, you're gonna say you don't see how they could, given what happened, but I'm telling you they did. If you'd given me any sign at all, I would have believed you over him in a heartbeat. I wasn't just pretending to trust you."

He looks up at Kuja, shading his eyes from the sun with one hand. "You're so much more than the role Garland or Chaos or anybody wanted you to play. And if you still don't believe me, then I'm glad I get this second chance to show you. I don't care how long it takes. Just because an enemy manipulated us to foil one plan doesn't mean you're doomed forever, you know? As long as you're alive, there's always another chance."

And he sure doesn't believe they're all dead here.

"Hmph." And it may be the first sign that Zidane's having some success that there's an edge of Kuja's usual haughtiness in his tone. "Not being able to discern any indications that I'm acting is what you should expect when I'm acting a part. If you're suggesting what truly convinced you was my own performance, rather than the fools around you...then I suppose that is simply the price I pay for being far more convincing than that clown and his cronies."

He runs a hand through his hair, giving a dramatic toss of his head that seems to happen simultaneously to his straightening to his full height again. Whether Zidane's words have finally gotten through to him, Kuja's reframing Zidane's doubt into proof of his own skill, or both, he seems to be bouncing back. "Very well then - this second chance of yours. What do you intend to do with it?"

Whatever the case is, Zidane's going to take it and run without looking back. He hops up to his feet and brushes sand from his clothes, giving Kuja a smile. "Hang out with you, of course. You've been here a while, right? So give me the grand tour, show me your digs. What do you do for fun? And where do you like to eat - I'm starving."

Could a dead person be this hungry, huh, Peacekeeper? He thought not.

He jogs over to grab his socks, shoes, and gloves, and carries them in one hand as he returns to Kuja's side.

"A few months, yes." Finally, Kuja allows himself a small smile. "My digs, as you put them, are not entirely my own. I share a villa with...well, ironically, Sephiroth is one of them, though as I mentioned he's extremely different from the warrior of Chaos he was when summoned by the gods. My loose understanding is that he was originally a good man who became the host to a malicious consciousness...and here, for whatever reason, that consciousness has left him, allowing him to regain his original self. I don't recall if you ever encountered him on the battlefield, but certainly you wouldn't recognize him now if you had."

He glances over his shoulder. "Regardless, he is only one member of the group I stay with, and perhaps the one I'm the least familiar with. He has a number of devoted partners who live with him - one of them, Genesis, has far more in common with me than I had ever imagined possible. We have become..." Kuja finds himself, unexpectedly, unsure how to describe his relationship with Genesis to Zidane. Or perhaps he's merely reluctant to. But he's not quite sure why. He's never shied away from positively preening about Genesis before. "...involved," he concludes. "He invited me to stay with them. One of the men is a good cook, and enjoys making food for people; if you are indeed hungry, I'm sure he would make you something."

As for fun...well, he avoids that question for now. Sex certainly makes up a significant chunk of this world's entertainment, and he finds himself almost awkward about the subject in front of Zidane.

Ha! Kuja's smiling! Score one for Zidane.

"Hmm...I don't remember whether I ever did, either, but it's better that way. I'd rather meet him for the first time the way he is now."

Zidane tilts his head this way and that to peer at Kuja when he hesitates about this Genesis person. When the answer finally comes, Zidane brightens, although he can't help a faint twinge of sadness at the reminder that after everything he went through to get back to Garnet, here he is, separated from her again...but it's brief. He knows it's not forever, and he's not alone here. He finally has the opportunity to get to know Kuja for real, beyond their shared history of tragedy and grief and conflict, and he's going to seize it with both hands and his tail.

"A home-cooked meal? I'm in. And congrats!" His smile widens into a grin. "You gotta tell me about this Genesis guy. Is it serious? Moving in with somebody is a big deal, you know! Gimme the whole scoop."

Edited 2022-09-11 04:52 (UTC)

"Well, should we ever return to the gods' battlefield, you may find what he's like there to be quite the unpleasant surprise in comparison," Kuja remarks idly. He'd landed earlier for this conversation, and now he begins to walk. If there's none of the expected difficulty of walking on sand in heeled boots as he moves...well, perhaps, despite his clear contact with the ground, Kuja hasn't completely stopped using Float. Maybe just enough to assist him.

He's not saying this as any sort of discouragement to Zidane meeting Sephiroth as he is. Indeed, from what Kuja has seen and experienced, Sephiroth as he is now is a man who may well be worth knowing. It's more...a gentle warning. He and Zidane, more than anyone else, are likely to go back to the same place and time. It's only fair to warn Zidane for what he might be in for if and when they do.

...not that Kuja cares to think about that too closely. Not when it would mean leaving Genesis behind.

At Zidane's congratulations, Kuja feels his face heating up slightly. He's never quite been in a position like this before, and he's not certain how to react. "I...yes, it's serious." He's glad that walking and facing forward gives him an excuse to not look at Zidane; the words are somehow too intimate for him to want eye contact while he says them. "He and I share an uncanny number of things in common...even things one would imagine are far too esoteric for someone else to have lived through. Being discarded by those who sought to use us and found us lacking, for instance...or becoming violent upon the discovery that those who sought to create us to their specifications had ensured we would die young." He pauses(in speech, if not in movement), lifting a hand to look down at it. "At least, 'young' as those whose bodies age might define it. We understand each other...in ways perhaps even you and I cannot. And, for all my flaws...he loves me."

"Good to know. But there must be a way to rescue him from that malicious consciousness, right? Now that we know there's a decent guy in there, maybe we can help him when we go back."

Wait...wait, wait a minute. Is Kuja blushing? Zidane expected to find that adorable, and he does, but it's also...well, Kuja looks really pretty like that. Not that he isn't pretty all the time, but seeing him look a little vulnerable in a positive way gives him a different kind of beauty. Softer.

...whoa, where did all these thoughts about Kuja come from? Literally while he's talking about his serious relationship, too. Zidane's gotta dial it back, sheez.

"Wow, that is a really specific thing to have in common. Is he a Genome, too?" Zidane hadn't thought there were any more of them, but there's a lot he didn't know and, he's sure, a lot he still doesn't.

He smiles. "Good. I'm glad. Everybody's got flaws, and everybody deserves to be loved - not despite their flaws, but for the whole package. Sounds like you're pretty happy here."

"I've no idea, truthfully. I don't know much about it myself. I believe Genesis knows the specifics, but we've never discussed it particularly in-depth." It's clearly a rather painful subject for Genesis, the sadistic monster that someone he loves so dearly had been reduced to. Kuja's never been overly inclined to pry, and that only makes it easier to avoid the subject.

"But no, Genesis isn't a Genome. He's from another world entirely, neither Terra nor Gaia. This place has one thing in common with the gods' war - it draws people in from any number of worlds, many bearing no resemblance to each other whatsoever. Which truly only makes the similarity of our experiences all the more improbably miraculous...or disheartening, perhaps, depending on how one looks at it. To have found in each other someone who understands so deeply is certainly a blessing...but it's quite the mixed one, when one considers that it's only possible if some cruelties are universal."

He glances sidelong at Zidane as the other man speaks of being loved for the whole of oneself, flaws and all, and there might be a flicker of a smile on his lips. In his old life, Kuja would have dismissed such words as sentimental nonsense; he'd never been loved back then, and he'd been discarded over a singular flaw - one that wasn't even truly a detriment to the work he'd been designed for. As a tool for fomenting war on Gaia, he'd certainly not disappointed; even now, Kuja isn't certain why Garland thought he needed Trance as well. (Perhaps he'd thought to turn Kuja, and eventually Zidane, into weapons of mass destruction instead...) Surely there could be no reason to tolerate imperfections in others, except perhaps that least desirable of emotions, pity.

But now...someone does love him. And there are others who like him, as well. And not even his flaws turn them aside. Instead...they continue to look on him with those same fond gazes, inexplicably.

Kuja had thought he understood human nature quite well, after decades of manipulating people as he desired. But the truth is that he'd only ever understood the worst of them...and had in fact convinced himself that was all there was. Zidane, however, knows things about human nature that Kuja had never even realized there were to learn. Only now, having experienced some of them firsthand, can Kuja recognize he's right.

"I've never truly had the opportunity to be happy anywhere else," he replies, looking forward again. "But...yes. I am happy. Not just with Genesis, but...there are a few others." Mostly Cloud, but Kuja is coming to appreciate Angeal, and has smatterings of fondness for a few others.

"What a thing for all these worlds to have in common..." Zidane shakes his head. "Well, I'm glad Genesis has a second chance, too. When do I get to meet him?"

"Yeah..." He's thought about it often - that Kuja never got to have a childhood, or friends, or even a found family like Tantalus. He was alone for such a long time. Is it any wonder he would have done anything to take the reins of his own life? Not that there's any excusing the terrible things he did, but...well, Garland wasn't wrong when he said that Zidane and Kuja were alike. Zidane's sure that if their positions had been reversed, he could easily have walked the same path Kuja did. After all, he hates being told what to do, too.

I wouldn't want that kind of power...if I only had a place to call home...

His own words echo back to him. Kuja seems to have found a home of his own, and Zidane's so happy for him. But Zidane's home is back on Gaia, with Dagger and Tantalus and the others. If only there were some way to bring Kuja and the things that make him happy back with him...then it would be perfect. But they're two worlds removed from Gaia now, and Zidane has no idea whether going back is even an option. If they left this place somehow, would they just go back to the gods' battlefield again?

...they'll find a way. No matter what.

"Don't worry, soon you'll be able to add me to that list, too." Zidane jabs a thumb at his own chest with a grin. "We're gonna make up for lost time and then some."

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