"Played along with it so easily?" Kuja scoffs. "You make it sound as though I had any other choice. What should I have done, Zidane? Declared my true intentions then and there, surrounded by enemies? Never mind the warriors of Chaos; as the clown so helpfully reminded us, they also had an infinite army of manikins at their beck and call. Dying together in solidarity is hardly a noble act, much less a productive one. And who's to say your friends would have accepted such a declaration from me, anyway? Perhaps you might have, but clearly your companions are not so trusting. At worst, I might simply have gained myself two sets of foes.
"And had I simply refused to take an active hand...then one of the others would have stepped in. Not only might they have hurt one or all of you, but they would hardly have allowed you the opportunity to escape that I did. No; I turned their desire to spite me to your advantage, knowing that they would consider my punishment more enticing than your immediate deaths. A small victory in the face of everything else, but the best that could be managed under the circumstances."
Finally, he turns back to face Zidane. "All that there was possible for me to hope for was that, as a performer, you would know something of acting...and improvisation. I didn't expect you not to fight; I thought you would realize it was an act, and play along. It was little enough to cling to. But it was hope only. Whether you understood or not, my hand would be forced."
He sighs and looks away, arms folded, hands cupping his elbows. "I wanted to believe, even if to you alone...perhaps my actions meant more than what fate had decided for me. That what I did held more weight than what others declared me. But my actions meant nothing. My every effort was laid to waste in mere moments. And everything I had done, or tried and failed to do...in the end, that wasn't what I was judged on. Even when I try to break free...it would seem that all I am, all that truly matters, is the role I am written into."
He closes his eyes. "I'm not blaming you for Kefka's plan succeeding. How can I, when I was as easily played as any of you? But I at least ask that you stop pretending to such things as having any deep faith in or understanding of me. The wind that shook that deep faith of yours was hardly a strong one. Such words leave a sour note in the ears. I'm well aware I've done nothing to deserve faith from you, but..." His shoulders slump a bit more. "You have believed better of me anyway. More than once, with even less reason. And so I attempted to live up to it. And failed so utterly, so emptily, that you found it easier to believe your enemies than me...because for all my pains, I had given you nothing. But - I had given you nothing before, and still you'd had faith in me. Of course believing in me under those circumstances is an unreasonable expectation, but that seems to be how you work. And I don't understand why, when I'd finally been acting to earn that faith...that was when it became too much to ask."
He opens his eyes again, still not looking at Zidane. "As for contacting you after that incident...I cannot speak to that. That is the last clear moment I remember before arriving in this world. I don't believe as much as an hour had passed."
Which explains a lot of Kuja's behavior - clearly, this pain is still incredibly fresh for him. Or, at least, has been made fresh all over again with Zidane's arrival.
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"And had I simply refused to take an active hand...then one of the others would have stepped in. Not only might they have hurt one or all of you, but they would hardly have allowed you the opportunity to escape that I did. No; I turned their desire to spite me to your advantage, knowing that they would consider my punishment more enticing than your immediate deaths. A small victory in the face of everything else, but the best that could be managed under the circumstances."
Finally, he turns back to face Zidane. "All that there was possible for me to hope for was that, as a performer, you would know something of acting...and improvisation. I didn't expect you not to fight; I thought you would realize it was an act, and play along. It was little enough to cling to. But it was hope only. Whether you understood or not, my hand would be forced."
He sighs and looks away, arms folded, hands cupping his elbows. "I wanted to believe, even if to you alone...perhaps my actions meant more than what fate had decided for me. That what I did held more weight than what others declared me. But my actions meant nothing. My every effort was laid to waste in mere moments. And everything I had done, or tried and failed to do...in the end, that wasn't what I was judged on. Even when I try to break free...it would seem that all I am, all that truly matters, is the role I am written into."
He closes his eyes. "I'm not blaming you for Kefka's plan succeeding. How can I, when I was as easily played as any of you? But I at least ask that you stop pretending to such things as having any deep faith in or understanding of me. The wind that shook that deep faith of yours was hardly a strong one. Such words leave a sour note in the ears. I'm well aware I've done nothing to deserve faith from you, but..." His shoulders slump a bit more. "You have believed better of me anyway. More than once, with even less reason. And so I attempted to live up to it. And failed so utterly, so emptily, that you found it easier to believe your enemies than me...because for all my pains, I had given you nothing. But - I had given you nothing before, and still you'd had faith in me. Of course believing in me under those circumstances is an unreasonable expectation, but that seems to be how you work. And I don't understand why, when I'd finally been acting to earn that faith...that was when it became too much to ask."
He opens his eyes again, still not looking at Zidane. "As for contacting you after that incident...I cannot speak to that. That is the last clear moment I remember before arriving in this world. I don't believe as much as an hour had passed."
Which explains a lot of Kuja's behavior - clearly, this pain is still incredibly fresh for him. Or, at least, has been made fresh all over again with Zidane's arrival.